As you may recall from last night’s awesome post, I spent half my evening tracking down and slaughtering a fly. Today I discovered the fly had the last laugh.
While dutifully sitting at my desk, minding my own business and trying to get work done, I sneezed. Nothing generally to worry about, but this particular sneeze was painful. My lungs, throat, everything burned in pain. And it didn’t stop. For the whole day I sneezed, and it got progressively worse. My head ached, my throat burned, my joints screamed in pain. Clearly the bug infected me with something.
I tried lozenges, which worked for a few minutes, but a fresh sneeze brought it all back. At one point I finally came to the understanding that, at its last fly breath, the bug put a curse on me.
For the rest of the day I’ve been moping around, sneezing and feeling on the verge of collapse. While trying to choke down dinner a fly came to rest on the wall nearest me. I could sense his mocking, his sense of superiority over the mere humans. “Yes”, he said, “you destroyed one of us, but we will forever mock thee”. Damn flies.
As I write this my eyes are a bit blurry and I can feel my will to live leaving me. Or maybe I’m just tired and dramatic. Either way. All I know for certain is that it’s too much of a coincidence that I destroyed the fly yesterday, and today I have a “bug”.
So be careful, my friends, for the next time you smack a stupid bug that’s buzzing around your head, it may just be planning something. A cold they will give you. Or Zika. Honestly I’ll take the cold…