Today was a glorious moment in my life. Every year, on this day, my company organizes a 5K Run, with the added bonus of a walk for those little humans who cannot run. Being the great family man that I am, I brought along my wife and kids to join in the fun.

The 5K had a lot of great events for the children. There were superheroes, face tattoos, and even mascots from local sports teams. The kids loved it, the people at the event loved it, it was a great time.

With the horn about to sound, we all lined up at the starting gate. The energy was palpable. Everyone was anxious, ready for it to start. Then, suddenly, the horn sounded and we were off.

I left my family behind in the crowd. It only seemed right, they were just going to hold me back. I took off like a man possessed. I wanted to win. To come in second was to be a failure. If I didn’t win, I would feel only shame.

I started off on a good pace. Sure there were a few people in front of me, but I was keeping up pretty well. I didn’t feel winded. I felt on top of the world. Everything went well for the first few kilometers. I was near the front of the line, people were cheering me on. Life was good.

Then it all fell apart. I stumbled a bit, tripping over a pot hole. Pretty sure that I wrenched my ankle. I was hobbling for a bit and suddenly fell behind. More than 20 people were now in front of me and the end was near. I was going to lose and I was pissed.

So I forgot the pain. I picked myself up and started a fast walk. Five more people passed me. I started moving faster. 10 more people passed me. I started to job, the pain shooting through my leg. Another few people passed me, so I started to run. My ankle was killing me, but it didn’t matter.

My pace quickened and I started pulling past people. The end gate was in site. I could still do this… I started running as fast as I could. The pain was terrible. I turned my head and vomited as I passed another runner. I really am sorry that it got all over him, but really he should have gotten out of the way.

Only a few runners in front of me and the gate was mere meters away. I gave it my all, running as fast as I could, pushing my body to the limit. Only one runner left to beat and the end was right in front of me. I could hear my ankle popping and cracking where a compound fracture had formed. Blood streamed from my leg, leaving a trail of horror. I caught up to the last runner. We were neck-in-neck. I looked at him, he looked at me, and at that moment I knew what I had to do.

I feigned tripping, which with my fractured ankle was not much of a stretch. As I “tripped”, I bumped into my competition, sending him crashing into a nearby light post. Moments later, to the sounds of overwhelming cheers, I crossed the finish line! I had won. The day was mine.

The medics immediately looked at my leg and found that it was so damaged that it would have to be amputated. At least one medic passed out looking at the break. I didn’t think it was that bad, but what are you going to do? What mattered was that, in the end, I was victorious!

Just kidding. I was one of the walkers. But I used my FitBit and it was awesome!