One of the hardest parts about establishing a new pattern, especially when trying to manage a disease, is trying not to let your old pattern get in the way. This morning, while getting my kids in the car before school, I grabbed my work bag and my tablet, sat in the car, and was ready to head out.

I nearly forgot my supplies. Oops.

For so long I’ve been focused on making sure I have my tablet and bag that I almost forgot my most critical piece of hardware for the day. Thankfully I remembered before I got too far, but damn that would have been a disaster had I left my glucometer and insulin at home.

Speaking of leaving things at home, I completely forgot my snack in the pantry this morning. Ordinarily this wouldn’t be a problem, but it was the perfect portion size for my 2 carb choices. I ended up having to go to the local “market” to find something to snack on, which was a lot more challenging than I had thought it would be. And when I say “market”, I really mean a place that wants to be a snobby deli/cafe, but just ends up being a poorly-stocked, over-priced restaurant that sells a minuscule amount of stuff and forces you to spend a $5 minimum.

On the plus side, my sugar numbers were a bit better than yesterday. I only had to inject once today (aside from my standard evening dose). My nighttime dose hurt tonight, though. I have a feeling I injected a bit too close to one of my lingering sore spots from the hospital. It’s really the first time I’ve felt my injection to any great extent so far, so still going to call it a win. So long as I didn’t do something wrong…

Trolling the Internet during lunch today I found a pretty interesting diabetes forum site, TuDiabetes, that I’m going to be exploring a bit more. It’s interesting to read others’ stories and see some of the challenges that they have and how they are dealing with those challenges. Gives me a good view of what to look out for going forward. The oddest thing for me reading through these stories is realizing just how new I really am to all of this. There are people on the site who have been struggling with the disease for over 40 years, and here I am just hitting my one week anniversary.

On that note, it’s been one week since I was admitted to the hospital. It still feels weird to me that a whole week vanished in front of me and in that time I was diagnosed with something I never expected. Still, it hasn’t completely sunk in yet and not sure it really will until my follow-up appointments tomorrow or my all day diabetes self-management class next week.

The moment when it does feel real, though, is when I still try to reach for something I know I shouldn’t have, or think fondly on what it would be like to cheat a little. That jar of chocolate on my director’s desk was refilled again today and damn did it look tempting. Thankfully I have a strong sense of will, otherwise I might have gotten myself in some serious trouble.

I will miss the 50+ ounce slushies I would get to watch LivePD on Friday and Saturday nights. The last few times I went to the local Speedway, their machine was broken so I haven’t actually had any real closure on it yet. And yes, I know I could probably have a smaller one (or half of a smaller one), but I’m going to miss the freedom to just go out, get one of those large sugary bastards, and enjoy my show.

Screw it. I’m alive and it’s just a frickin’ slushie. I have more to worry about right now than what to drink while I watch people get pulled over, chased down, or tased. Chomping on a carrot while someone is on the ground twitching is still just as fun in the end.